YOUR
CHILD’S PERSPECTIVE IN A DIVORCE.
Things
to Do / Things NOT to Do
/ Rights of Children
in Divorce Cases
| Your
child’s thinking and their needs are
as follows: “ I love Mom,... I love
Dad.” Young children will not worry
about the mortgage, which car you drive
or how big your house is, nor most of the
things you worry about. They want to spend
time with Dad. They want to spend time with
Mom. They want their mother and father to
not fight. The children do not want to take
sides. Their needs are simpler than yours.
All the explaining in the world may not
make them emotionally accept your view.
Your
child may miss the other parent even if
you don’t. They do not want you to
talk badly about the other parent. They
do not want to know the details of the divorce.
They do not want to be made to pick a parent.
If you ask them to pick, you may traumatize
them. Some judge’s consider a parent
making the child choose “emotional
abuse.” Many times it is unnecessary
to ask a child anything about custody. |
THINGS
YOU CAN DO for your child:
1. Stay involved with your child.
2. Keep the other parent involved.
3. If the other parent is saying bad things ask
for a court order to make them stop and make them
take a parenting class.
4. Make a point of being there for your child
during your time and as opportunities present
themselves when it is not your time.
5. Stay positive about the other parent in your
child’s presence even though you don’t
want to.
6. Let go of your anger towards the other parent
as soon as you can for your child’s sake.
7. Teach your child to love both parents and both
parents love the child no matter how each may
feel about the other.
THINGS
NOT TO DO:
1. Don’t call the police on your family
matters. This will traumatize your child. Instead
ask the family law judge to correct a problem.
Most of the time the police will not correct a
family problem anyway. Police are not allowed
to act as a judge or jury on the street in a family
law matter. Most of the time they will refer you
to your family law attorney. One exception to
not calling the police is if you are in immediate
physical danger.
2.
Don’t talk about your dislike for your spouse
to others who have no fight in your divorce, i.e.,
teachers, babysitters, some of your children’s
friends parents, even some other family members.
This will result in your child not being invited
or welcomed to their home because you have trained
others to be uncomfortable with one of the parents.
You have trained them to take sides or trained
to avoid you because they do not want to take
sides. Others simply stay away from you and the
other parent. When this happens it is your child
who suffers due to your talking. Talking may be
therapeutic to you but be selective whom you have
therapy with, and choose those who may not unintentionally
harm your child because they may choose to stay
away from your problems.
3.
Do not alienate your child from the other parent.
Don’t make it so a child is not free to
love the other parent. To do so is not real love
for the child. This means letting the other parent
spend time with the child even when it is not
convenient, or even when you don’t want
to. The test is "What does your child need
or want?".
4.
Don’t introduce any boyfriends or girlfriends
into your child’s life for a long while
after separation.
5.
If you are the custodial parent, then don’t
let the non-custodial parent fail to pay child
support after divorce. If he/she fails to pay
then, they will not be able to look at you nor
be able to pick up their child for visitation
for fear of the collection process. The result
of your letting the other parent not pay child
support may be the child loses a parent. A parent
paying child support is more likely to feel invested
in the child, and may be there more as a support
(emotionally and physically) for the child.
Rights
of Children in Divorce Cases
When
you come to the Essenburg Law Firm Office, you
may see this handout. Randy is passionately committed
to serving children through his position as a
divorce attorney. EACH and EVERY child needs to
be considered maturely and respectfully whether
they are 2 years old or more than 18 years old.
Children
in divorce cases have, at the very least, the
fundamental rights outlined below:
-
The
right to be treated as an interested and affected
person and not as a pawn, possession, or chattel
of either or both parents, and neither have
authority, by agreement or otherwise, to waive
any benefits ordered in behalf of their children.
-
The
right to grow to maturity in that home environment
which will best guarantee an opportunity for
the child to grow to mature and responsible
citizenship.
-
The
right to the day by day love, care, discipline
and protection of the parent having custody
of the child.
-
The
right to know the non-custodial parent and
to have the benefit of such parent's love
and guidance through adequate visitations.
-
The
right to a positive and constructive relationship
with both parents, with neither parent to
be permitted to degrade or downgrade the other
in the mind of the child.
-
The
right to have moral and ethical values developed
by precept and practives, and to have limits
set for behavior.
-
The
right to the most adequate level of economic
support that can be provided by the best efforts
of both parents, which takes priority over
all after-acquired obligations of all kinds.
-
The
right to the same opportunities for education
that the child would have had if the family
unit had not been broken.
-
The
right to periodic review of custodial arrangements
and child support orders as the circumstances
of the parents and the benefit of the child
may require.
-
The
right to recognition that children involved
in a divorce are always disadvantaged parties
and that the law must take affirmative steps
to protect their welfare, and enforce compliance
of their rights.
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